


Of Course You're A Bodyguard...

by MissOfTheTruestBlades



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Bodyguard AU, Bodyguard!Ryan, M/M, That one that some people wanted, tumblr is to blame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-06-25 15:59:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15644103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissOfTheTruestBlades/pseuds/MissOfTheTruestBlades
Summary: Shane is a rising star of internet fame. When he receives threats from an apparent stalker, his employer hires a highly-rated personal security firm to protect him. Cue Ryan Bergara - suited co-owner of said firm.Will Ryan convince Shane that he indeed can cop it as a 'personal security assistant' despite his size?Will Shane ever forgive Ryan for the invasion of privacy that he neither requested nor consented to?Find out within!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the lovely people on Tumblr who were batting this idea around. You know who you are. Heavily inspired by that thread.

         “Boogara Personal Protection Inc.” muttered Shane, reading the glossy black lettering of the card that had been handed to him. “What the hell is a Boogara?” he asked his agent, Angela. She shrugged at him, preparing to give him a talking to about whatever had led to the procurement of the card.

         Turning said card over in his hands, Shane scanned over the list of names printed out with their relevant contact information. The top two caught Shane’s eye: Clinton Booker, co-founder and Ryan Bergara, co-founder. “Never mind. I figured it out. It’s a stupid blended word made from the founders’ last names. You’d think a security firm would be more professional than stooping to a tactic used to name couples.”

         “Shane, I gave the firm a call. They’ve been filled in on your –“ Angela paused uncomfortably “- your _situation,_ and I’ve been assured that they will treat the case with the utmost caution. They’re the best in the business, everyone gives them amazing reviews. Plus, because you’re so high-profile these days, one of the founders will be taking on your case personally. That’s a rare occurrence. Which is great, of course, but also hopefully demonstrates to you how very serious this whole mess is.”

         Shane sighed, rolling his eyes. So what if he had received an annoying number of creepy letters from an anonymous ‘fan?’ Nobody actually stalked anybody nowadays. It was just some stupid kid playing a prank or trying to get attention from their favourite YouTuber. With the sort of content that Shane released, he was bound to have more than a few stupid kids in his fanbase. It was not, contrary to Angela’s continuous monologuing, anything to be concerned about. People had only started recognizing Shane in the streets less than two months ago. Even if stalkers were still ‘a thing,’ he was way too new to have one.

         “Angela, I’m not getting a bodyguard. Crazy rich people need bodyguards, not newly successful internet people. Call them back and cancel. I’m going out for ice cream.”

         “Shane Alexander Madej.” Shane froze in his tracks. Angela had pulled out the ‘not-fucking-around’ voice. “You will not leave this apartment until tomorrow morning at 8am when your new personal security assistant arrives to keep you safe. Until that point, you can do whatever you need to do, but you will stay inside this apartment. No complaints, no takebacks. And if you can’t listen to me, then listen to your producer. The channel isn’t taking any risks with you. If you don’t allow yourself to be protected until the police agree that any threat has been dealt with, then you’re fired.” Shane just sighed again and flopped down on his living room couch.

         He hadn’t been kidding when he said he was new to the whole ‘celebrity’ situation. He had gone from obscurity to fame so quickly that he hadn’t even had time to use his increased income to buy a house with space and privacy. He was living in the same small, one-bedroom apartment that he’d been in when he first moved to Los Angeles six months prior. Note to self: once the bodyguard situation is resolved, buy a damn house!

         Shane grunted and waved over his shoulder at Angela as she headed out for the night. She clearly felt confident that Shane was going to be obedient for once, and that she was safe to leave him alone for the night. “Now, now Shane” he mimicked in a high-pitched voice. “Going outside alone is for big boys. Nice little boys like you have to hold a big person’s hand when they cross the street.” With that, he settled in to watch some old movies on television.


	2. Meet the Personal Security Assistant (Bodyguard)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm making these chapters small because that's how the flow went. But because I hate short chapters I'm posting the first two at once. <3

         Despite his disgruntlement over the situation, Shane had managed to accidentally fall asleep on his couch. This meant that he missed the sound of his alarm going off in his bedroom, so he woke up to the sound of banging on his front door. He hauled himself up into a sitting position and winced at the cramping throughout his back and neck from sleeping on a couch too short for his long body.

         There was more pounding on the door. Angela had a key, so it wasn’t her. Who else would be coming around at – a quick glance to the watch on his wrist – 8 in the morning. Wait. Didn’t he have a meeting at 9? He was going to be late if he didn’t get moving soon. Hopefully the aggressive stranger didn’t need anything time-consuming.

         The continued pounding convinced Shane to get to his feet and shuffle to the front door of his apartment. He was in a corner apartment on the second floor, so hopefully his neighbours were far enough away that they weren’t going to be mad at him about the noise so early in the morning. He’d like to see his bodyguard protect him from angry neighbours.

         Opening the door, Shane looked up, then down. Standing at his door looking royally perturbed was a small (well, small to Shane) man in a black suit with pink accent pieces. He was probably about 5’9, with dark hair and brown eyes. After this brief summation, Shane was knocked off his train of thought by the small man clearing his throat.

         “Are you going to finally let me in, or do I have to stay outside?” Shane looked at the man, confused.

         “I’m sorry sir, I think you have the wrong address. I don’t need…whatever it is that you sell.”

         “Shane Alexander Madej? Born May 16, 1986 in Chicago, Illinois? Currently working as an internet personality with the BlipCam Corporation?” the man brusquely questioned. All Shane could do was nod until the realisation hit him.

         “Wait wait wait. _You’re_ my bodyguard?”

         “We prefer to call it personal protection assistant, but yes. I was informed that you knew I would be arriving today. Is there some problem or change of plans that I should be aware of?”

         “You can’t be my bodyguard –“

         “-personal protection assistant” the man interrupted.

         “Sure whatever. You can’t be him. I mean look at you! No offence man, you’re very stylish, but how are you supposed to in any way keep me safe? You’re like a foot shorter than me! Not that there’s anything I need protection from anyway, but. Still.”

         “Mr. Madej, my firm and I have been hired for your personal protection by the BlipCam Corporation. As such, it is my sole responsibility to see to your safety 24 hours a day until such time as my services are no longer required by your employer. So I suggest that you allow me into your home to start an inspection so that we can get back on schedule and have you to work on time.” With that, the small man politely pushed (can it be polite and still be a push?) Shane backwards into his apartment and shut the door behind him.

         Shane sighed. This was going to be a long life.


	3. 24/7 Means 24/7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback and comments. You guys seriously made my day when I read them! Much love to all of you. Have another two chapters <3

           The rest of the week dragged on for Shane. His bodyguard (no way was he calling it that stupid fancy name) had forced him to call him Ryan, under threat that he’d never stop calling Shane ‘Mr. Madej’ otherwise. Shane supposed that it was worth the effort that it took to remember the small man’s name to not have to be addressed as if he were an 80-year-old man.

            Ryan was, frankly, a pain in Shane’s ass. He couldn’t walk into a room until Ryan checked it out first. He couldn’t leave a room until the next space was checked. In the course of his work day, Shane was keeping a running estimate of the number of productive minutes lost for these incessant security checks. Not to mention that he got to have no fun with his co-workers. Everyone was awkward and uncomfortable in the presence of the serious stranger in black, and laughter stopped suddenly upon Shane (and therefore Ryan) entering a room.

            Those were just the work problems. Shane also couldn’t just _chill_ anymore. Ryan luckily gave him more freedom when he was within his own home, but the man was still an ever-present force. Even when he was sitting silently on the armchair in the living room, Shane felt restricted. He didn’t want to watch movies in case the man judged him for his taste. He didn’t want to talk to Ryan because he didn’t particularly like him, but he also didn’t want to read because he felt like he was being rude and ignoring the guy. Even worse was the nagging guilt that Ryan had to sleep on the couch for the foreseeable future. Shane only had one room with one bed, and no amount of coaxing convinced Ryan to leave in the evening and pick Shane up in the morning.

            “The contract clearly states 24/7. I was aware of this and prepared for any required co-habitation adjustments. Just pretend I’m not here,” had been some version of the answer every time Shane brought it up. But it still felt wrong. He had a queen bed, and this man was protecting him and sleeping on his lumpy old sofa.

            “Sure you won’t leave tonight there Ryan old chap?” Ryan didn’t even bother with his customary answer this time. He merely looked Shane dead in the eye and then looked away again. “Fine. I really am sorry about the sofa situation….Well, goodnight.”

            The next morning was Saturday. Shane’s first day of what he would normally call freedom. Except now it was freedom with the Ryan clause. Shane groaned and stretched, not wanting to leave his bed. Suddenly his bedroom door slammed open and Ryan appeared.

            “Dude! Maybe knock before running into a guy’s bedroom with no warning!” Shane yelped, holding his hand to his heart.

            “Oh. You’re okay. Well good then. I heard a groan and I was worried that somebody snuck in and stabbed you or something. By the way, you have no food left in your fridge. We’ll need to get groceries.” With that the door shut and Shane was alone. As alone as he could be with a stranger living in his house. 


	4. Sportsing the Sports

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploaded two chapters at once. Don't skip Chapter 3!

           Grocery shopping went about as well as two single men going grocery shopping can ever go. Shane wasn’t living like he was in college. He didn’t subsist entirely on Coke and pizza pops, but he was by no means a kitchen whiz either. He stuck to the basics. Some boxed pasta here, some turkey sandwiches there. A chicken caesar salad was about as fancy as he got.

            Ryan, on the other hand, seemed to be a confusing mix of frat boy and culinary chef. He bought chips and hot dogs, but then had the recipes memorized for a handful of fancy sounding meals that Shane had no idea even existed. It seemed that Ryan had been required to brush up on his cooking to impress a few clients, but never felt the need to exercise that skill when he was alone. Shane supposed that was one upside to having a bodyguard – some fancy meals.

            After dinner, the awkwardness began again. Shane just wanted to do something, anything at all, without feeling imposed upon and uncomfortable in his own home. Surprisingly, it was Ryan who was first to break.

            “So if you aren’t using the television, I’m just going to watch the game,” came the not-quite-question as Ryan sat in the center of the couch and grabbed the remote. Shane didn’t have any complaints, except that he had no idea what ‘the game’ was or why anyone would want to watch it. Regardless, it could probably be a staring contest and still be better than the dead silence of the past few days.

            Shane’s actual problem came from deciding where to sit. Up until this point the couch had been solely his domain, with Ryan electing for the armchair in the corner. The ‘strategic position’ apparently. Shane had mostly tuned out the lecture he was given on that particular occasion.

            Now, with Ryan seated directly in the center of the couch, he had to decide whether to ignore ‘the game’ entirely and sit in the vacant armchair, or willingly give up some of his personal space to his bodyguard. Though to be fair, the man didn’t take up that much space. He was pretty tiny. Deciding ‘fuck it’ it was his house, Shane sat down on the cushion to Ryan’s right and turned his attention to the screen. Some men were running around bouncing a ball. Basketball, Shane deduced. That was about as much as he knew about the sport. That it involved bouncing a ball and shooting it at a hoop.

            As the game continued, Shane got more and more bored. He didn’t know what was happening, who the teams were or how much longer was even left in the game. At one point the game stopped for awhile and he thought it was over, but then found out that apparently there were multiple intervals of play.

            Ryan, on the other hand, was becoming more animated than Shane had ever seen him. It seemed that the team he was cheering for was winning, because occasionally he would start cheering and pumping his fist in the air. There were even a few occasions where Ryan turned to Shane as if he was looking to share his celebration, but then remembered who he was with and registered the complete indifference on Shane’s face and thought better of it.

            Another break in the play came along and Ryan surprised Shane once again by being the first to speak.

            “Do you not like basketball or something? Or just not a Lakers fan?” came the mildly reproachful questioning.

            “Uhhh honestly I just don’t really watch sports. I have no idea what even happens in basketball besides that they’re trying to put the ball in the hoop.” Ryan looked at Shane like he had grown a second head.

            “How can you not watch any sports? Or know nothing about basketball? You are missing out.” That statement marked the beginning of the basketball education that Shane didn’t know he had asked for and definitely had not wanted. Ryan explained the basic terms to him, informed him that the game was divided into quarters, and then provided a running commentary on why each play was good or bad. By the end of the game Shane was reluctantly pleased when the Lakers won, having understood finally what was actually happening in the last quarter. He begrudgingly admitted to himself that Ryan seemed like an okay guy, even if he was useless as a bodyguard. The pair parted ways for the night amicably, and Shane didn’t even bother asking Ryan if he was leaving for the night. He knew that he wasn’t.


	5. (Dangerous?) Routines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter for you lovely people. This is my first ever Shyan fic so I am extremely pleased and blown away by all of the positive feedback. Thank you!

            The next morning was Sunday, which in the summer for Shane usually meant a jog, a shower, food, some reading and then a walk in the park ending in a stop for ice cream before dinner, some shows or movies, and bed. So what if he was a creature of habit? Sunday was the one day he could follow a solid routine. He loved it.

            Ryan did not love it. Being outside briefly to get in a car or get into the apartment building or the office was one thing. Being outside completely exposed for the majority of the day was something else entirely. It was a personal security assistant’s nightmare. Streets had innumerable windows, doorways and alleys that a threat could attack from or hide in. Parks had alternating shade and light, making for a difficult security scan. Not to mention the trees and shrubs that were perfect for hiding behind and camouflaging with.

            “No,” was the flat response when Shane outlined his plans for the day.

            “What do you mean, ‘no’?” was Shane’s incredulous reaction.

            “I mean that I am here to keep you safe, and that means not allowing you to do the things that are the least safe they could possibly be.”

            “Um Ryan. Maybe you misheard me. I said I want to go for a run and then later go for a walk and eat some ice cream. Not go skydiving and play full-contact rugby. It’s perfectly safe.”

            “Not happening. End of story.” The shorter man pulled himself up to his full height and crossed his arms over his chest. Shane just sighed.

            “Listen, man. This is my weekly ritual. It’s the one day out of the week that I get to follow the usual plan and enjoy myself. Get in some exercise for the ole’ body, some reading for the lil’ mind and some ice cream for my growing body. So stop trying to intimidate me when you’re a head shorter than me, and just let me do my thing. I’d like to think I’ve been pretty good and pretty easy to take care of so far. Give me this one day. Please.”

            It was Ryan’s turn to sigh.

            “I am one hundred percent going to regret this….but fine. Let’s go. Just give me a minute to change.” Ryan disappeared for a few minutes, and when he reappeared Shane had to pick his jaw up from the ground. He’d only ever seen Mr. Ryan Tightass Bodyguard Man in a full suit. Now he was in a pair of shorts and a tank top. They were still black, but the dude had a lot more muscles than Shane had realised. He was still a useless bodyguard, but maybe he could keep away a few teenage girls if they got a bit too enthusiastic about Shane. That would be nice.

            The run was alright. Shane was tense the whole time because Ryan was so intense. He would run a few paces looking one way, then scan over to the other direction and run a few paces that way. Then he’d turn completely around and run backwards looking in alternate directions. He also stuck uncomfortably close to Shane the entire time. Shane had had the occasional running partner, but none that ever cut quite so far into his personal bubble. It was sweaty and uncomfortable. But, at least he got his run in. Ryan relaxed considerably once they got back to the apartment, for all of ten seconds. As he was doing his usual ‘re-entry’ security sweep with Shane lurking in his front entryway, he heard Ryan swear loudly under his breath.

            ‘Oh boy,’ thought Shane. ‘This ought to be good.’


	6. Danger! No Danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends. I am sorry that I left you on a bit of a cliffhanger for so long. I did have this chapter written but never got around to posting it. Here it is now. Hope you like it!

Creeping cautiously toward his bedroom, Shane approached Ryan’s back.

            “Problem Ryan?” The bodyguard put his arm out to stop Shane from stepping past him into his bedroom. Peering over the smaller man’s shoulder, Shane saw broken glass on his bedroom floor and what appeared to be an envelope on his bed. Moving his gaze upward, he saw that the window had been shattered somehow.

            “Don’t go into the room. Don’t touch anything. I’m calling the police,” came Ryan’s stern instructions. Shane waited long enough for Ryan to round the corner into the living room before walking into his bedroom. He could never resist a mystery, and a broken window and strange envelope definitely qualified. Shuffling his feet so that he wouldn’t step on any glass shards, Shane leaned over and grabbed the envelope off of his bed. A breeze from the broken window made the paper flutter around in his fingers.

            Before Shane even had a chance to look at the envelope Ryan was back and yelling at him. Shane didn’t suppose that he had actually seen the smaller man angry before. Annoying, boring, tolerable - yes. Angry? No. It was pretty endearing. Ryan looked like he thought he was a foot taller than he was. He was glaring up at Shane and puffed up like an angry cat.

            “I told you not to come in here! There’s broken glass, there’s an open window that who know what could come in through, and you’ve just contaminated a crime scene! Haven’t you ever watched any sort of crime show? They could dust that envelope for fingerprints and you’ve potentially covered them up with your own!”

            “Sorry Ryan. But it’s not like this is actually a dangerous situation okay? Someone is just taking their games a bit too far this time. Nobody is standing outside with a sniper rifle waiting to blow my head off the second you leave my side. I promise.” His speech didn’t have much effect on the angry bodyguard. Ryan shoved him out of the bedroom and closed the door behind them. The pair sat in awkward silence in the living room while they waited for the police to show up. Shane sprawled on the couch, Ryan keeping watch from the strategic armchair.

            The police were prompt. They were the same officers that had first met with Shane and Angela when she had insisted that he report the mail he was receiving from his ‘stalker.’ The pair processed Shane’s bedroom and took the envelope as evidence. They also found a rock that had been used to break the window open. Their first impression was that someone had climbed up the fire escape and used a rock to smash in the window. The perp had then climbed through and dropped the letter on the bed before leaving.

            “See Ryan? They came from the outside. They may not even have meant to break into _my_ apartment. Maybe they were looking for my neighbour!” Ryan just glared before pulling one of the officers aside.

            “As Shane’s personal security assistant, I want your honest opinion. Should we consider relocating him for awhile? The threat obviously knows where he lives and is getting more aggressive and bold by the day. Maybe a hotel would be the better option right now, until we find out who this is?”

            “At this point I wouldn’t advise any change in location. Mr. Madej has not faced any extreme danger to this point, and if he moves then we may lose the trail. We need more time and more evidence to catch this guy. Be vigilant, but I think you’re both okay here for the time being,” was the frank response. Ryan sighed.

            Despite the incident making Ryan even more on-edge, Shane refused to deviate from his routine. He took a shower, made some mac’n’cheese for himself and his moody bodyguard, and then headed out for his late-afternoon stroll. He was so quick and quiet that Ryan had to hurry to put his shoes on and catch up before Shane got out the door first.

            The walk was worse than the run. Ryan stuck behind him so closely that his left shoulder kept hitting Shane in the back. When he stopped abruptly to admire a butterfly Ryan ran directly into him and stepped on the back of his shoe. Not to mention that the pair kept getting odd looks. Shane supposed that it was a bit strange for two men to be walking not quite next to each other but extremely close together. It was even more strange for one man to be in casual summer attire of varying colours and the other to be wearing a black on black suit and dress pants. Not exactly casual strolling attire.

            The pair reached Shane’s favourite ice cream stand and Shane offered to buy Ryan an ice cream cone for his troubles.

            “What can I get for you boys?” asked the woman behind the counter.

            “Mint chocolate chip,” said Ryan and Shane in unison. Ryan turned to face Shane in fascination. “You like mint chocolate chip? None of my friends like it. They think it tastes like toothpaste.”

            “Ryan my man, mint chocolate chip is the ice cream of the gods! Perfect chocolatey-ness, perfect minty-ness and not too sweet. What more could a humble ice cream eater ask for?” The pair exchanged a sideways glance and then each cracked a smile. They ate their ice cream and commented on the excellent quality of this particular shop at intervals as they walked back home. 

 


End file.
